The Joys of Smoking-satire

here it is... it's not very good considering i procrastinate majorly because i didn't know what to write about and wrote it in two hours the night before it was due... :s


The joys of smoking
Have you ever walked past someone on the street that is smoking, breathed in that scent and said, “Wow that smells good?” Maybe you have checked into a smoking hotel room, cuddled up in the covers that smelled so strongly of smoke and slept like a baby. Perhaps you have strolled into a restaurant to eat, just to be hit with that strong smoke aroma that sticks with you as you eat and even after you leave. Or maybe, you have got a whiff of someone’s breath after they smoke. Wow, now that’s a smell! Seriously, who cares if people like or dislike the smell of smoke as long as you can smoke, right?
Do you ever get tired walking up a couple flights of steps? Long-time smokers do. Sometimes they can’t even talk without a coughing spell and they definitely can’t sing. But that’s ok. That’s why we have elevators, cough drops and famous singers that can do everything for them. With all these inventions geared toward smokers, why don’t we all smoke?
Smoking can also save you money. You don’t have to buy nail polish because you nails already have a yellowish tint to them. Perfume is also an unneeded object considering you already have a built-in perfume in your clothes, hair and breath from your cigarettes. Dentist visits become unnecessary because smoking causes irreversible damage to your teeth and you can pretty much forget any gym memberships because you can hardly walk from your car into the gym without feeling out of breath. But most importantly, you are saving yourself money because the more you smoke the more likely it is for you to die at a young age. The shorter you live, the less the money you have to spend on yourself.
Do you realize that some people are afraid to die? Some people agonize about how they will die and when. Smokers are lucky because a large majority of them know exactly how they will die and when. They know that they will likely die of lung cancer, emphysema or any other smoking-related disease, that the disease will cause them a long and painful death and they will die at a lot earlier age then others. Aren’t smokers lucky?
Have you ever met someone who hates to go to school or work? The habit they need to pick up is smoking. Smoking makes you more susceptible to sickness such as colds and flu’s. So the more you smoke, the more susceptible you are to diseases, the less you have to go to work.
If you are a smoker and sit on the bench a lot in sports then you are lucky. Most kids’ excuses for sitting on the bench are lame like “the coach doesn’t like me,” but if you are a smoker you have a very valid excuse. Smoking makes you tire easily, reduces visual judgment and slows your reaction speeds. Maybe while you’re sitting with all your benchwarmer buddies you could share your habit with them so they can have a good excuse too.
Smoking is also the number one entrance drug. So if you were thinking about trying out any other drugs, then smoking is just the thing for you. All you’ll have to do is get comfortable smoking and you will find better things to do from smoking marijuana to shooting up with heroine. You see, smoking leads into bigger and better things.
Do you sometimes feel left out at school or in social situations? If you do, you should take up smoking. A lot of smokers think that smoking helps you to make friends, look cool and feel better. So now, instead of sitting all alone in the lunchroom you can find that secret spot where all the other smokers go to smoke and all slowly die together. Doesn’t that sound a lot more fun then being uncomfortable during your breaks at school?
Are you one of those people who like to take risks? Well if you are, you should take up smoking. Smoking is a very big risk, especially for teens. Smoking is something you have to hide from your parents, your teachers and even some of your friends. But what makes it the biggest risk of all is that it is illegal for anyone to purchase if you are less than eighteen years old. So for any of you risk takers, smoking is definitely the risk you should take!
As you can see, smoking has a lot more pros than cons. It doesn’t matter if you look bad, smell bad or die at an early age because smoking is totally worth all the suffering it will cause you. It helps you make more friends and to bond with them, it saves you money and it gives you that risk-fix that you sometimes need to feel good about yourself. So because of all these reasons I have given you, I hope this paper has persuaded you to pick up the habit of a lifetime…smoking!

NEED HELP!

I'm doing a satire paper for english and I have NO IDEA about what to do. A lot of people are doing drugs, smoking, drinking, etc. but I wanted to make mine more unique. Not as run-of-the-mill. If you guys have any ideas, let me know. PLEASE AND THANK YOU! :)